Giving Back

By Doris Wedge

The Norman Transcript

They call it the "Reason for the Season Party," a get-together of 25 or 30 couples who are friends of Doug and Mandy Haws and who find joy in a party of giving rather than receiving.

It started about eight years ago, when the Hawses had been to a round of parties where they would participate by taking cookies or an ornament or some such Christmas tradition.

"And one night on our way home, we just decided we would have our own party the next year and it would be uniquely ours," said Mandy, a Norman city council member. They decided to invite their friends to help them assist a needy family. "Instead of bringing something that no one needed, they would be bringing something that someone else really needed."

She recalls thinking "everyone loves babies, but sometimes families with teens or special needs children might not be so easy to provide for."

So when she contacted the Salvation Army, she said, "give me the ones that you think need a good Christmas but you might have some challenges to providing that."

The first year they received the wants and needs of 22 people. "I gathered all the information -- the ages and sizes," she recalls. The invitations for this unique party went into the mail. As people called to confirm they would attend, they picked out individuals they wanted to sponsor. The response was overwhelming, she said."

The first year, I was so surprised," she said. "We had a little boy who wanted a bike and some fishing things. Two or three friends showed up with bikes. Our friends really got into it.”

The friends were anxious to be included in the next year's party.

The evening of the party is full of joy as the friends arrive with the unwrapped items. They enjoy the usual holiday cheer of food and chatting with friends, but the atmosphere is one of sharing. Some bring their children, so they can experience the joy of giving to those who have less. Others who can't fit the party into their schedule drop off gifts earlier in the week, or send money.

This year the Hawses and friends are providing for five families -- 26 individuals -- each of whom will receive clothing and a gift. Each family also will receive food for a Christmas meal. Mandy Haws prepares a spreadsheet so she will be sure that every individual is taken care of. Money from other friends and family members assist them to "fill in" items when needed. Neighborhood girls help her sort and wrap and label the gifts.

Shopping for the food is a chore that Doug Haws takes on joyfully, enlisting a few friends to help. "We don't know anything about the people we are buying for," so he doesn't assume that they have aluminum foil. He will get everything that they will need to have a Christmas dinner, the aluminum pan, salt, sugar, meat, side dishes, fruit, marshmallows -- five or six shopping carts full.

Delivering the gifts and groceries is another task when the help of friends is appreciated.

"It takes pickups and minivans to deliver the items to the Salvation Army," he said. The Haws family and their friends never know the names of the families they provide for but, looking back at the ages of children in the families, she is sure they have never helped the same family twice. Occasionally, a thank you note is passed on from a family through the Salvation Army staff. But that's not what this party is about.

"This is what Doug and I do to have a good holiday season. You just can't beat the feeling. I guess in a way it sounds selfish, but we feel that if someone has had a hard, challenging year, that we want to put a glimmer of happiness on Christmas. We want them to know that there are people who want to make sure that they have a good holiday."

Doris Wedge can be contacted by e-mail at dwedge@cox.net